Settled at my desk this morning completely captured by the glistening wet leaves whipping in the wind. If I didn’t know better I’d swear it was ice glistening, but from what I can tell it’s still August and very much summer-time outside. Either way, such a beautiful sight to my bleary eyes this morning. Last night wasn’t the sweet sleep I imagined it would be as I crawled into bed. Instead, I lay wide awake watching 1 A.M., then 2 A.M. and on to 3 A.M. pass by on the clock. The struggle to sleep wasn’t a lack of exhaustion (as we had kicked off our school year that day), but it was a decision I would soon be facing just a few hours later.
As you may or may not know, I am one of those crazy moms you hear about, you know, the kind that homeschool. Our family absolutely loves it. I love having my kids home with me and they love having most Fridays off to hang out with dad. We even get to take trips back home to visit the family without too many days missed. The kids do great academically, although we have a slight battle with our youngest child’s reading skills. Tyler has faced this struggle with reading since kindergarten. I’ve done everything I know to do, but year after year I feel like I’ve let him down somehow. Now, we are far from anti-public school as Dustin and I both graduated public High School and our kids have spent 50% of their school careers there as well. Our decision to homeschool had zero to do with the school itself, and everything to do with what God was speaking to me. Even when I don’t understand what God’s doing, I have resolved to always say, “Yes.” when he calls.
Back to the decision I was facing – due to Tyler’s struggle with reading and my feeling of failure, I had reached out to the principal about enrolling him part-time for language classes and title one. They were so incredibly kind and willing to help in any way they could. Tyler wasn’t super excited (mainly because of early mornings, is my guess), but we made the jump and headed off to the open house to meet his new part-time teacher. She was absolutely amazing in every way and he was ready to start his first day. That evening I came home, cooked dinner, watched a movie with the family, and climbed into bed. I never had another thought about my decision to enroll Tyler part-time until my head hit the pillow, that’s when the battle began. I became so overwhelmed with grief because of our decision and I knew we had obviously made the wrong choice. I cried out to God for answers and He whispered to me, “Cassie, I have created Tyler to learn and understand, and I have equipped you with what you need to teach him”. I realized once again I had doubted what God could do in Tyler’s life, as well as in my own. I had denied Him access to that part of my life.
Sometimes on this journey called life God will call us to things we don’t understand, even things we don’t feel equipped for, but if we give Him access we can accomplish all He has for us. No matter how you feel or how it looks, I encourage you to just say “Yes, God.” Noah was an ordinary man with an enormous task before him; David was a shepherd boy, another ordinary kid, yet God equipped him with a sling and a stone to face a great giant. I don’t know what you face today, maybe there’s an impossible ark to be built or a giant to be slain, but if God has called you, he has equipped you.
May the God of peace who brought up from the dead our Lord Jesus, the great shepherd of the sheep, by the blood of the eternal covenant, equip you with everything good that you may do his will, working in us that which is pleasing in his sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory forever and ever. Amen. Hebrews 13:20-21